We have entered a time of enlightenment, where we are taking back our power. We are exercising our right to create our own truths, to live by our values, and to take accountability for our impacts on others. These things sometimes go against the norm and what is considered “normal”. So I want to talk about this very important aspect of Ujima , which is: What You Are Not!
This whole writeup was sparked by a conversation that I had with a client. The client was dissatisfied with the training and wanted to end our contract. I was cool with that, but within the conversation the client made the point that they believed that I did not like them. I want to stress the fact that I have never met this person in real life. All of our interactions have been over the internet. The goal of the training was to help the person change certain habits that the client believed was hindering their success. We would have our sessions and I would point out these behaviors and the client would take it personal. Now in our final discussion I pointed out to the client that what they perceived was actually me not liking their behaviors, and the issue was that the client believes that their behaviors are them.
I run into this issue all the time. People believe that they are their behaviors, not realizing that the behaviors that we exhibit are separate from who we really are. In Gye-Nyame we describe the Self as the "absolute, complete and perfect qualities of being that are not influenced by external circumstances." Our behaviors are born from our collision with external circumstances. They are survival mechanisms that we create that make it possible for us to deal with others, and to survive in society. They are not who we really are, and when we mix this up we turn our life and relationships into a giant mess. We can't hear how to change because we believe that we are under attack, not realizing that those around are talking about the behaviors we exhibit, rather than describing the being we truly are.
You are not:
Stop allowing those things to fit into your definition of who they are. It makes it hard to practice the principle of the day (Ujima). Also I want you to imagine existing in a world where the children grow up being taught and believing what my ex-client believes. "DAMN" my fault, that is the world we live in....
Here is your proverb:
If there is something one really wants to achieve, one is willing to go an extra mile and overcome the difficulties to achieve it.